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Here I go

Chemo starts tomorrow.

I want to get going on this: I want the Wurst and the Primordial Wurst gone, and chemo is the first step towards that.

But at the same time, I’m completely intimidated, scared even. Right now, I’m a person who feels healthy but is actually sick. Tomorrow I become a person who is sick. I’m not sure I can explain how that feels, writer or not: there’s an actual dividing line in my life between healthy and sick, and it occurs at 8am tomorrow. Never mind that the symptoms will be caused by the treatment rather than the disease; that’s the line.

Still, onward. That’s the only way to go.

At least I have excellent support.



  1. Vince says:

    Huge hugs your way. And Fuck Cancer!!!

  2. Abi says:

    Sometimes the only way out is through. Good luck, Sarah. I’ll be thinking of you.

  3. Mari says:

    When going through shit, just keep walking.
    Call / email / smoke signals if you can think of any way I can help.

  4. Jess says:

    Brave heart, Phi. I’m rooting for you.

  5. Laura says:

    It’s one thing to wake up feverish and feeling awful–entirely different to have the feeling awful scheduled ahead of time.


  6. cori says:

    When I was doing MRIs checking the progress of the cancer, I discovered the hard way that I’m really really claustrophobic – even in an open MRI.
    What, in the end, kept me from launching myself out of the machine was Phillip holding my hand and telling me dirty jokes.
    I highly recommend it and suspect that fuzzy guy you live with may be similarly talented.

  7. Sarah says:

    Cori, I’m utterly not claustrophobic: I nearly fell asleep in the MRI machine while waiting for the contrast to spread properly. But yeah, he has an endless supply of really awful dirty jokes.

  8. ((HUGS))

    And here’s to the chemical bashing of The Wurst.

  9. Jessica says:

    I can not imagine what you are going through. Know that you are in our thoughts, in fact we were just talking about coming to see you sometime soon today. Let us know when you are up for visitors. I’d think it won’t be soon. You are strong.

  10. Janiece says:

    I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, and every day.

    C’mon chemicals – bitch slap that cancer right out of our friend!

  11. Anne says:

    Can’t go over it, can’t go under it, can’t go around it… have to go through it.

    Many people seem to have you in their thoughts.

  12. David says:

    The only view is forward when your back’s against the wall. (James Keelaghan)

    Hugs to you.

  13. Broom says:

    Great quote, Anne!

    Sarah, let’s just pretend I said that, or something equally pithy and wonderful.

  14. Marjorie says:

    ((Hugs)) ‘Scared’ is a totally reasonable response, and having that line there is very intimidating, even though it is good for you in the long term.
    Good luck and I hope that it goes as smoothly and with as few side effects as possible.

  15. Carol Elaine says:

    What everyone else said. Kick cancer in the ‘nads with chemicals!

    *huge hugs*

  16. neurondoc says:


    I don’t anything more scientifically supportive to say than that.